Self-regulation of our emotions is something we learn to do from a young age and we find different ways of managing our emotions as we go through life. Some ways work better than others and some methods don’t work at all. Sometimes children can have difficulty self-regulating their emotions and it can take longer for them to find the best way for themselves to cope in various situations.
Trying to help them find ways to control their emotions can be a challenge because they may not always respond to ways that you or I do, and it is not always simple and straight forward. As we experiment, we need to do this with our kids. If they are angry, frustrated or upset, telling them to calm down is sometimes the last thing they want to hear.
Some different techniques that you can try include the basic deep breathing technique which can calm down a child who is hysterical or sobbing uncontrollably as a start and reassure them you are ‘here to help and listen but you need to stop crying, breathe deeply and calm down.’
For those children that find it difficult to ‘let go’ of things that are worrying them and have difficulty going off to sleep, making a simple worry box is a practical way of allowing them to write down their worry and putting it into the box. Reinforce that the worry they have placed in the box can’t come out because the lid is on the ‘worry’ and will be dealt with in the morning and it is time to go off to sleep. It is also a visual for some children and a physical way of dealing with their worries. Sometimes the worry box may need to be removed from the room so the child can’t see it anymore.
We have all experienced a build-up of adrenalin in our body. We can’t concentrate, sit still or function unless that adrenalin has been released. It is the same with children who can have a build-up if they are angry, upset, anxious or frustrated. The best way for this adrenalin to be released is through exercise. Whether it be allowing the child to run laps of the oval for five minutes or letting them scream at the top of their voices, it is an important release. I hear adults say, “I could scream right now” but we can self-regulate and know there is a time and a place. In a school setting sometimes it is important to let students release that adrenalin so they can function successfully. Exercise is always a great way to manage stress, anxiety, anger and a lot of other emotions we experience. When we exercise, our bodies release endorphins which make us feel good. I rely heavily on these when I am at the gym and constantly tell myself once they are released I will feel better! A trampoline is one of the best ways to assist children with anxiety. It is always there in the backyard and they can jump until they can jump no more or simply lie down and look at the sky and let their thoughts wander.
Positive self talk is another technique, almost like talking ourselves into something and psyching ourselves up. Remind your child they are good at certain things, they are a good person, and remind them they can overcome their fears and having a go is a positive step regardless of the outcome.
As adults we know the saying ‘all work and no play is no good for anyone.’ This is the same for our children, in particular those studying in secondary school. Encourage children to have a hobby or an interest that can give them time away from studying and give them some balance in their lives. This will help them find some emotional balance in their lives. It is important that we as adults do the same because at the end of the day, you can be a slave to your work and you get no thanks for it.
Find that five or ten minutes to go outside with your kids or read a book with them at night and have those reassuring cuddles that remind them they are special, safe and loved. We all like that feeling, no matter how old we are!
Fiona Froelich