Graduation! Wow, our cherubs are finishing primary school and getting ready to embark on the next phase of their educational journey, secondary school. But before that, we must get through graduation and the rollercoaster of a ride it can present to us as parents and as teachers. I am currently on this rollercoaster ride with other Grade Six parents and I think it’s worse because I have a girl! Give me strength now, please.

For many of you, like myself, we didn’t have a graduation as such to close the primary school chapter of our lives. We stood at a whole school assembly listening to our principal itching to get the black texta out to write on our school uniforms. We may have had a class party to celebrate the end but certainly not a graduation that seems to consume them from mid year!

When my daughter came home from school and said there was chit chat about graduation and what girls were doing it was interesting listening to this. Then came to who was getting a limousine! That’s when I realised, yes this does actually happen and I am about to jump on the graduation rollercoaster. I reminded my daughter what grade she was in and how old she was and although that sounds wonderful, it was unnecessary given that there will be plenty more opportunities for this type of experience later in her teenage years or adult life, like her wedding day! I was met with the standard eye roll closely followed up with the groan and wait for it, the door slam! Please don’t get me wrong, I am all for making my daughter feel special and wanting to give her a ‘treat’ but that doesn’t mean I have to give her an adult experience. I went through the special occasions that a limousine would be used and when in fact I had been in a limo. Naturally I had very good points and she retreated quietly to her room. I then realised that I could very easily get washed up in the parenting trap of parenting to the most popular opinion.

Let’s not even start on the dress and the fact that we changed it because my daughter had the same dress as someone else and was quietly told it best she change it! That’s a whole other situation and parenting challenge that was conquered.

I think our kids and us as parents can get caught up in the whole graduation thing and sometimes forget what we are celebrating and why. I know seeing a cohort of students from Prep venture through the school to become Grade Six graduates is fantastic. It is rewarding when you see students that you have taught, interacted with etc and you can say, I had an influence on that student. It is a time for students to thank the teachers and school for helping them get to where they are today.  As I always say, it takes a village to raise a child and there are plenty of people to thank. It is also a time for them to spend with their classmates and reflect on the memories they have made over the past seven years. Yes they all want to look their best, as we all do on these types of occasions, but let’s not lose sight of what we are celebrating, the end of one chapter and the beginning of another!

So on that note, I wish all the Grade Six students here at Berwick Lodge and every other primary school, all the very best for the next phase of their education.. Enjoy your night and the last few weeks of your primary school years.

Parents, may the force be with you! I’m sure there will be a few more tears, laughs and most of all great memories!

Fiona Froelich

Last week I discussed the first six points relating to boys and why they are like they are. This week I will continue on with the remaining six points as discussed by Michael Grose.

The first six points were you must like them, boys like to blend in, they are hierarchical by nature, many boys hide behind a mask, boys are just as sensitive as girls and boys are tactile by nature.

7. Boys learn from experience.

We can advise the boys in our life but the only way they are going to learn is by experience. Good, bad or otherwise, a life experience is the best teacher!

8. Loyalty is a high driver.

A boy’s family and friends are where their loyalty lies and is the key to understanding to the male psyche. Their peers are a huge influence and can hold them back in the ‘pack’ at times. Their loyalty can get them into trouble with authority too.

9. Many boys’ mouths don’t work unless they are moving.

If you want to have a serious conversation with your boy, get on a bike, go for a walk or run and you are more likely to have a productive discussion rather than the awkward face to face one!

10. Boys need social scripts.

Don’t be afraid to tell boys what to say in new social situations. They will often struggle to find any words, let alone the correct words, to say. Give them a helping hand, they will appreciate it!

11. Boys need a purpose to learn.

If you want a boy to learn, they need tangible short term goals. If they are practising a musical instrument to be in a band there is purpose, if there is no goal attached, it may be a little more difficult.

12. A boy’s brain matures differently than a girl’s brain.

The maturation rate and sequence is different for boys and girls. For instance, the brain developments in the first five years of life prepares girls for the rigours of school better than it does for boys. A girl’s brain in that period is busy developing fine motor skills, verbal acuity and social skills, which are highly valued by parents and teachers. A boy’s brain, on the other hand, is busy developing gross motor, spatial and visual skills, which are essential hunting skills. Unfortunately, there isn’t a great need for these traits in primary schools these days!! (Michael Grose)

These last six points raise interesting food for thought when it comes to understanding boys. I must admit, having a daughter and son proves to be difficult at times when it comes to parenting. I certainly handle my son differently to my daughter but still fairly. I have the same expectations of them both but I have to take different parenting paths to get them there.

www.parentingideasclub.com.au

Fiona Froelich

Ever wondered what makes your son tick? Whether you have boys or not, it is still important to understand them and have an idea as to why they act and think the way they do.

I have just returned from my son’s school camp, I can honestly say these points raised by Michael Grose in a recent article are so very true. Having a son myself, teaching boys and watching my son in various team sports, some male only team sports and individual sports, you will find these points very interesting.

1. You must like them.

Sounds strange I know but boys need to be liked. If they sense you don’t like them, you will be fighting an uphill battle. In a school setting they can shut down and will not respond to you.

2. Boys like to blend in.

Boys like to fit in and will often play in groups, they don’t like to stand out and may end up making poor friendship choices rather than be the odd one out.

3. They are hierarchical by nature.

As with all children, they need boundaries and rules. They want to know that someone will enforce those boundaries.

4. Many boys hide behind a mask.

Boys will hide behind a ‘mask’ for fear of being hurt. They may play the role of ‘tough’, ‘class clown’ or ‘cool dude’. Don’t communicate with the ’mask’, do whatever you need to do to communicate with the child himself.

5. Boys are just as sensitive as girls.

Boys are just as sensitive, if not more so than girls. They get just as stressed but we as parents tend to ask our girls how they are feeling more often. Ask a boy how he feels about something and he will probably tell you how he is feeling. Boys need more time to process their feelings so they may not be open straight away.

6. Boys are tactile by nature.

Taste and touch are the two most important senses to boys and how they take in the world. Surprise, surprise! Boys need to be touched and hugged two or three times more than girls to release the same amount of oxytocin, a feel good chemical. They need to be nurtured, not ignored.

These are the first six points Michael raises. Next week, I will write about the remaining six points. In the meantime, reflect on these points if you have a son, nephew or interact with boys in a different environment. It might be your friends have boys and you have never quite understood why they are like they are. Yes, boys can be loud, disorganised, rough and in your face but if you understand and accept that, your relationship will flourish and the lines of communication are likely to open up further.

www.parentingideasclub.com.au

Fiona Froelich

Where has the year gone? As we enter into fourth term, I always find this term one of the busiest and exciting terms. I look at the students and how much they have grown and matured and find it hard to believe that they are embarking on the next phase of their education. We have the new Preps starting transition and our Grade Six students entering secondary school, all equally exciting and daunting! Yet as we head into Term Four, the year is far from over.

I attended a professional development regarding student absenteeism in primary and secondary schools and the various reasons behind this and seriousness of it. There are genuine reasons for students being absent and this past winter is certainly proof of ill health impacting not just student health but also staff health. We had an unprecedented number of staff absent due to ill health or looking after family members who were sick. These are genuine circumstances which is not the concern.

There is an increased number of students across the board, and I am not specifically referring to BLPS, who attend school in a ‘part time’ capacity for a number of reasons. Such reasons include family situations, mental health issues including anxiety, genuine ongoing illnesses and so on. Then there are those students who are given days off for reasons such as their birthday, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, they are tired and many others. Over my many years of teaching, I have seen a lot of different absent notes and heard a lot of different reasons which have amused me!

The impact on students missing many days of school can be huge and if this starts in primary school, it can be a pattern that continues into secondary school. Students who arrive late to school in the mornings miss out on so much let alone an entire day. For the junior students, they miss morning reading sessions and the routine for the day and for the older students, it is that social talk, routine and plan for the day. Arriving on time is equally important and again, sets a pattern for later in life. Would you be late for work every day and expect your boss to be ok with it? The same applies in a school environment. Yes there are times when things go wrong, traffic or unavoidable situations but day in and day out impacts students.

Missing numerous days means missing out on new topics that are introduced, consolidating others, the routine of each day, missing specialist classes and the experiences they bring, developing friendships and working on those friendships, confidence and the basic foundations for their learning that they will need as they move through their primary years. As teachers, we will be working on end of year reports which requires a lot of work and various assessment tasks that we need students to complete. When they are away, they miss tasks and come back to school often faced with new assessment tasks plus the ones they have already missed out on. We need to get the most accurate picture to write an informed report for each student and this can be difficult when students are away for reasons other than genuine illness or approved absences.

If you are having difficulty getting your child to school for whatever reason, please contact your child’s teacher or the school for support and assistance. They may be having friendship issues, finding the work too hard or not enjoying school for other reasons. This is certainly not what we as educators like to hear but are ready and able to support you and your child. Yes, there are days when my alarm goes off and I wish I could turn it off and roll over and go back to sleep but that doesn’t last long. Sometimes our children need the motivation and modelled behaviour from us as parents to get up and get going in the mornings even when the times are tough.

Fiona Froelich

As parents we would like to think we know what our kids are doing and that they are behaving, socialising and conducting themselves with the morals and values we are trying to teach them as they grow up. Yet lately there has been a lot of press relating to teenagers and young adults being influenced by many different factors in society. Some of these influences involve social media, the internet, beliefs that they may not have grown up with and many other influences for a variety of reasons. So I ask you the question, do you really know what your child is doing?

I know many of you who are reading this may have young children and say ‘of course I do!’ Great, but what happens as they get older and start to be influenced by factors outside the home; their peers, the internet, social media and so on? Now is the time to start to have an open dialogue with your children. It might be as simple as asking them how their day was at school. We have all asked that question and may have gotten a one worded answer, on a good day, or a grunt! I tend to ask that question again over dinner when they have had a chance to wind down and relax and we are talking about our days. My kids now ask me how my day was and pick up pretty quickly what type of day I have had by my responses and if I have any patience left! I always have something positive to say and let them know I appreciate that they have asked me. Developing that dialogue is so important because when your child isn’t having a great time of it; you can ‘read’ them so to speak and know there is something going on.

I am under immense pressure from my eldest 11 year old to allow her to have Instagram. We have had many open discussions as to why I won’t allow it and when I do eventually let her, (she believes it will be when she turns 18) that I will ‘follow’ her. As a result of these discussions, I realised I had no idea how to use Instagram so I opened up my own account to learn how to use it and see what the fuss is all about. I have always said to try and be one step ahead of your children, and the social media and internet they access so you have some idea of what is going on. Once I opened my Instagram account and made my way around, I was astonished to find many of my daughter’s friends who have accounts! Light bulb moment, this is why I am being hounded. I am following her friends because they do not have their privacy settings set to private so I was easily able to ‘follow’ them; but even more astounding was I found my daughter’s picture on Instagram! This was through no fault of her own, but because her friends have innocently posted pictures of themselves. My user name does not identify me nor does my profile picture, so they have no clue I am on there and neither does my daughter. After talking to another mum, she asked me what Instagram was and how it worked. I told her and she said there is no way my daughter is having that. Sadly, her daughter does have it and she is none the wiser. We need to empower ourselves as parents and learn about the tools our kids are using, but also talk to them, understand when they seem moody, short tempered or teary that something might be bothering them. Are they spending a lot of time in their room, isolating themselves from the rest of the family and their friends? Yes, I do read my daughter’s Imessages and she is fully aware that I do.  There is nothing wrong with checking message sites such as Snap Chat, KIK and following your kids on different types of social media. Remember, they are children and although they think they are old enough to handle what is’ typed and liked’ on social media, they aren’t. We have strict rules: no electronic devices in the bedrooms and at night they are switched off completely and put in the kitchen. Start these rules early and when they start to be broken for whatever reason, there will be something going on. These are triggers for us as parents to act on and support them.

Keep talking to your children and let them know you trust them and support them no matter what. Dialogue is so important because you never want to find yourself in the position of saying, I didn’t know.

Fiona Froelich

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Albert Einstein

We all have a creative side within, some of us need to dig a little deeper than others! That’s me, even though my students tell me how good my drawings are on the whiteboard: they are so kind! Just like adults, some kids are more creative than others. The ‘free spirited’ kids who we encounter are often very creative and have a wonderful sense of imagination and problem solving skills. I’m not just talking about art and drawing, it also includes their imaginations, story writing, inventing new games and adapting different approaches for different scenarios.

Developing creativity in our kids can be easier than we think; it just involves giving them the opportunity to do so. In the classroom, sometimes we present a visual stimulus for students when story writing. Giving them the time to sit and think and use their imagination, develop their ideas and talk about what is in front of them is important. Giving students a topic to write on or a ‘sentence starter’ can be daunting for some and others will run with it. Time is also given to plan in their head and write down some ideas, characters, settings etc for their story.

Those of us who are perfectionists will find being creative a little more challenging. These types of students are easily spotted in the classroom because their perfectionism takes over their ability to let themselves be creative. Being creative and using your imagination is about making mistakes and realising making mistakes is a positive thing, not a negative one.

You may also find it means making a mess and the house looking like a tornado has ripped through. Certainly when my kids were younger and the play room was a disaster area with dress ups everywhere I would roll my eyes in disbelief because I had just cleaned it up, but then watch my kids playing or having a conversation with their toys or my daughter putting a purple fluffy tiara on her brother! Priceless. As they become older, their down time tends to be on an electronic device and they don’t need to use their imagination and they become bored if they can’t access them! We need to allow time for our kids to be bored, as I have said in previous articles, being bored develops creativity and the use of their imaginations. Sometimes they might need a prompt which ends up developing into a game, building a cubby out of every pillow and blanket in the house, cooking or drawing. Enabling opportunities for our kids to think outside of the box is great for brain development, language skills, problem solving and reasoning skills.

My daughter was given a recent project to complete at home which required her to design and build a contraption that would save her egg and prevent it from being broken when thrown over a volleyball net. She was given a set of instructions and items she could and couldn’t use. At first there was negative talk, “I don’t know what to do, I can’t do it, and it’s too hard.” Once we sat down with her and established what she thought would work, she was into it and after trial and error and lots of mistakes, she designed and made her egg contraption and it worked, her egg survived! That task forced her to think outside the box and use her imagination, make mistakes and then see the positives of her hard work, creativity and persistence.

Visiting an art gallery, a stage show, travelling to different places, experiencing different foods and cultures all help to develop their imaginations and creativity by having an experience to draw on. Teach children that being an individual and even being different is ok, back away from taking over your children’s homework tasks that require them to design or construct and encourage them from the sidelines but most of all, give them the time to express themselves.

Fiona Froelich

Self-regulation of our emotions is something we learn to do from a young age and we find different ways of managing our emotions as we go through life. Some ways work better than others and some methods don’t work at all. Sometimes children can have difficulty self-regulating their emotions and it can take longer for them to find the best way for themselves to cope in various situations.

Trying to help them find ways to control their emotions can be a challenge because they may not always respond to ways that you or I do, and it is not always simple and straight forward. As we experiment, we need to do this with our kids. If they are angry, frustrated or upset, telling them to calm down is sometimes the last thing they want to hear.

Some different techniques that you can try include the basic deep breathing technique which can calm down a child who is hysterical or sobbing uncontrollably as a start and reassure them you are ‘here to help and listen but you need to stop crying, breathe deeply and calm down.’

For those children that find it difficult to ‘let go’ of things that are worrying them and have difficulty going off to sleep, making a simple worry box is a practical way of allowing them to write down their worry and putting it into the box. Reinforce that the worry they have placed in the box can’t come out because the lid is on the ‘worry’ and will be dealt with in the morning and it is time to go off to sleep. It is also a visual for some children and a physical way of dealing with their worries. Sometimes the worry box may need to be removed from the room so the child can’t see it anymore.

We have all experienced a build-up of adrenalin in our body. We can’t concentrate, sit still or function unless that adrenalin has been released. It is the same with children who can have a build-up if they are angry, upset, anxious or frustrated. The best way for this adrenalin to be released is through exercise. Whether it be allowing the child to run laps of the oval for five minutes or letting them scream at the top of their voices, it is an important release. I hear adults say, “I could scream right now” but we can self-regulate and know there is a time and a place. In a school setting sometimes it is important to let students release that adrenalin so they can function successfully. Exercise is always a great way to manage stress, anxiety, anger and a lot of other emotions we experience. When we exercise, our bodies release endorphins which make us feel good. I rely heavily on these when I am at the gym and constantly tell myself once they are released I will feel better! A trampoline is one of the best ways to assist children with anxiety. It is always there in the backyard and they can jump until they can jump no more or simply lie down and look at the sky and let their thoughts wander.

Positive self talk is another technique, almost like talking ourselves into something and psyching ourselves up. Remind your child they are good at certain things, they are a good person, and remind them they can overcome their fears and having a go is a positive step regardless of the outcome.

As adults we know the saying ‘all work and no play is no good for anyone.’ This is the same for our children, in particular those studying in secondary school. Encourage children to have a hobby or an interest that can give them time away from studying and give them some balance in their lives. This will help them find some emotional balance in their lives. It is important that we as adults do the same because at the end of the day, you can be a slave to your work and you get no thanks for it.

Find that five or ten minutes to go outside with your kids or read a book with them at night and have those reassuring cuddles that remind them they are special, safe and loved. We all like that feeling, no matter how old we are!

Fiona Froelich

Body image can mean many different things to people both positive and negative. With our children exposed to a variety of images through social media, music video clips, magazines and even television ads, they become increasingly aware at an early age at what is perceived as acceptable in today’s society.

I was reading an interesting article about the perception that boys have of their body image and what they believe they should look like at a frightening early age. High profile singers and actors can have a massive impact on the way our children can be influenced whether it be how to wear your hair, dress a certain way and look a certain way. The stereo typical images of slim females and toned males are there for us to see, like it or not. As a mum of a girl and a boy, I am very much aware of how my 11 year old daughter perceives herself and of late, my nine year old boy perceives himself. When they start to compare themselves to such images, we discuss the positives about themselves, not what they are seeing on a music video clip or magazine which has probably been photo shopped or filmed from a certain angle.

It is important to be aware of what we say about our own bodies in front of our children. Let’s face it, we all have something we aren’t happy about and that’s ok but when you are talking about your own body image and your children are present, as parents, we need to be careful. Empowering our children to accept the way they are is something we need to teach them and build up their resilience and encourage them to love themselves for who they are. Easier said than done I know, but no one else is going to do it for them and I know as a parent I would rather it came from me.

When my daughter came to me concerned about her weight, not that she should be but one comment from a boy at school shattered her, I sat down with her and asked her what her body did for her. She looked at me oddly and thought about it. “It helps me walk, run, play netball, swim and learn at school.” We discussed how her body is powerful and she needs to keep it healthy to maintain doing all of these activities. This is why we eat the foods we eat, maintain physical activities and make sure we sleep well. That discussion was a platform for her to understand why we don’t eat a lot of take away, why I love getting out and walking or bike riding and the impact these choices have on our overall health and wellbeing. The last thing I want to see is my daughter standing in front of the mirror saying she doesn’t like this and she doesn’t like that and ‘I am going on a diet’. I want her to stand in front of the mirror and say how powerful her body is and embrace what it enables her to do. From that develops a healthy mind and a positive self-image. Yes I have bad days, we all do and I may regret having that extra Tim Tam but the difference is I don’t share that with my children, I silently beat myself up about it on the inside!!

Comparing ourselves to others seems to be human nature. To be able to empower our children and teach them to love themselves for who they are, warts and all, we as parents need to step up and be positive role models and lead by example. Remind your children what they can do and that if everyone was the same in life we wouldn’t have people who inspire us to do the best we can do. Everyone is unique – being unique is a great thing.

Fiona Froelich

Welcome to 2015! I would like to welcome new families to Berwick Lodge Primary School and welcome to my Parent Patch.

The idea of the Parent Patch is to cover current parenting topics that parents may find informative and can relate to in the day to day realms of raising our children. As a parent of two children and a working mum, I too face and understand the daily highs, lows, smiles and tears we all face. I write the Parent Patch on a fortnightly basis for our school newsletter and now blog. Yes, this year we have a Parent Patch blog which can be accessed through the BLPS school website. It has the articles that have been previously written posted on there, which allows parents to read and comment or ask questions. Remember when leaving comments on the blog or any form of social media please be mindful of commenting on the article and not other people’s opinions that may have been posted.

If you have any topic ideas you would like me to write about, please feel free to let me know. You can comment through the blog or email me at froelich.fiona.e@edumail.vic.gov.au

As we all settle back into the routines of school, work and after school activities, we also have to get back into the all-important night time and sleep routine. I know in our house, school holidays mean later nights and sometimes a sleep in, but not always. I know my kids were not happy when I started sending them to bed at their regular time three days before school started. I wasn’t happy when they decided to have their sleep in on the first day of school and wouldn’t get out of bed! Why do some kids have their sleep ins on a school morning and not on the weekend? If anyone has the answer, let me know!

Whether your cherub is starting Prep or going into Grade Six, they are actually more capable of doing a lot more than they let on and more than what you would like to think. If you find yourself carrying two or three school bags on your shoulder, stop and put them down. I understand that some school bags are bigger than your child when they start Prep, but if they are able to carry their bag, let them. Your ultimate goal in life is to be made redundant as a parent and raise independent children who are able to stand on their own two feet…..even with a school bag on their back! Start with the basics of expecting them to unpack their bag after school and put lunch boxes and notices or blue bag, on the bench. This may seem a simple task, but this is where responsibility of personal belongings begins. At school, we as teachers expect the children in our classrooms to be responsible for their belongings such as pencils, books, rulers and so on. The amount of times I have heard, “Mum didn’t pack my blue bag “or “Mum forgot my library book.” It isn’t mum’s blue bag or mum’s library book! Introducing little things such as this develops more independence and responsibility. Before you know it they will be dressing themselves too!

I hope you enjoy reading the articles written as I know our parent community have over the past two years. The feedback has always been very positive and when parents stop me in the playground and tell me how much they loved an article or could relate to something written, that is a good feeling. Sometimes we as parents believe that we are the only ones who think what we think or are experiencing certain things in isolation. A Parent Patch article can promote discussions with other parents and then all of a sudden you realise you aren’t alone, trust me, you’re not.

So welcome once again to new parents and welcome back to those who have been reading this for a while. I wish you all an enjoyable year ducking and weaving through the journey of life.

Fiona Froelich